Mockingjay Alternate Ending
by violet.worlds
Summary: Pretty much the same as Mockingjay, but with a slightly  or not so slightly, depending on your POV  different ending. Yep. It's basically how I wanted it to end. Sort of. Rated K  cause...um. Yeah.
1. Chapter 1 cause I'm that original

**WARNING: If you haven't read Mockingjay yet, don't read this. It gives away pretty much everything.**

**So this is pretty much a figment of my imagination, how I would've liked Mockingjay to end. The ending's not bad, but when I want something to happen and it doesn't, I get mad. I don't really know myself what's going to happen besides Katniss and Gale end up together. I'm including quite a bit of the existing text in the beginning, just to kind of ease into it, I suppose. And I may throw in a few bits and pieces later on as well.**

**I'm starting my alternate ending on page 361 of Mockingjay. Everything that's happened still happens. The only minor(ish) changes you need to keep in mind so far are that when Katniss wakes up after Prim dies, Gale is still in the Capitol with her, recovering from the two bullets he was shot with. And Peeta still came to the Capitol, but he's not nearly as recovered as in the book. If my next chapters need more of a background I'll tell you then. So…now I begin.**

**Disclaimer: THG belongs to Suzanne Collins. Duh.**

**I badly need help working this out, only everyone I trust is dead. Cinna. Boggs. Finnick. Prim. There's Peeta, but he couldn't do any more than speculate, and who knows what state his mind's in, anyway. And that leaves only Gale. **He's still in the hospital, recovering from those bullets. The bullets that were my fault. My fault for leading him and the rest of Squad 451 on the fabricated mission to kill Snow. Not to mention the numerous deaths I caused. Finnick, Leeg 1 and 2, Mitchell, Boggs…the list goes on. All my fault. I wander through the mansion, deep in thought. I find myself, hours later, curled up inside a cabinet in a deserted kitchen. I need to see Gale. He's the only one I can confide in…but can I? Those parachutes…they were Gale's idea. It was Gale's fault. _No_, I tell myself, _Gale did nothing wrong. Don't even think about blaming him. _Then I'm running through the mansion at full speed, toward Haymitch's room. I burst through the door without bothering to knock, and skid to a stop. **Ugh. It's amazing how quickly he can defile a space. Half-eaten plates of food, shattered liquor bottles, and pieces of broken furniture from a drunken rampage scatter his quarters. He lies, unkempt and unwashed, in a tangle of sheets on the bed, passed out.**

** "Haymitch," I say, shaking his leg. Of course, that's insufficient. But I give it a few more tries before I dump the pitcher of water in his face. He comes to with a gasp, slashing blindly with his knife. Apparently, the end of Snow's reign didn't equal the end of his terror.**

** "Oh. You," he says. I can tell by his voice that he's still loaded.**

** "Haymitch," I begin.**

** "Listen to that. The Mockingjay finally found her voice." He laughs. "Well, Plutarch's going to be happy." He takes a swig from a bottle. "Why am I soaking wet?" I lamely drop the pitcher behind me into a pile of dirty clothes.**

** "I need **to see Gale**," I say.**

** Haymitch belches, filling the air with white liquor fumes. "What is it, sweetheart? More boy trouble?" I don't know why, but this hurts me in a way Haymitch rarely can. It must show on my face, because even in his drunken state, he tries to take it back. "Okay, not funny." I'm already at the door. "Not funny! Come back!" By the thud of his body hitting the floor, I assume he tried to follow me, but there's no point.**

** I zigzag through the mansion and disappear into a wardrobe full of silken things. I yank them from hangers until I have a pile and then burrow into it. In the lining of my pocket, I find a stray morphling tablet and swallow it dry, heading off my rising hysteria. It's not enough to right things, though. I hear Haymitch calling me in the distance, but he won't find me in his condition. Especially not in this new spot. Swathed in silk, I feel like a caterpillar in a cocoon awaiting metamorphosis. I always supposed that to be a peaceful condition. At first it is. But as I journey into night, I feel more and more trapped, suffocated by the slippery bindings, unable to emerge until I have transformed into something of beauty. I squirm, trying to shed my ruined body and unlock the secret to growing flawless wings. Despite enormous effort, I remain a hideous creature, fired into my current form by the blast from the bombs.**

** The encounter with Snow opens the door to my old repertoire of nightmares. It's like being stung by tracker jackers again. A wave of horrifying images with a brief respite I confuse with waking-only to find another wave knocking me back. When **he** finally locate**s** me, I'm sitting on the floor of the wardrobe, tangled in silk, screaming my head off. **He does nothing to calm me down, just sits on the floor beside me, and yet it helps. I scream for another couple of minutes before my hysteria turns into a wave of tears. He puts one arm around me and I bury my face into his chest, sobbing. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I know I'm back on the bed in my room.

**A very hungover Haymitch waits with a handful of pills and a tray of food that neither of us has the stomach for. He makes a feeble attempt to get me to talk again but, seeing it's pointless**, leaves the room without a word. I curl up beneath the sheets, fighting tears. I've only been there for a few minutes before a voice says, "Hey, Catnip." Once I disentangle myself from the mess of blankets, Gale looks at me, taking in my matted, singed hair, my hideous, scorched skin, and my tear-streaked face.

"Hey," I reply hoarsely, "what's up?" Gale walks over and sits on the edge of my bed. **He doesn't answer, so**, after a long pause, **finally I just say it. "Was it your bomb?"**

** "I don't know. Neither does Beetee," he says. "Does it matter? You'll always be thinking about it."**

Another long silence. I don't reply, so Gale gets up to leave. Once he's out the door, I slump over and wait for another round of did I have to ask? I should've waited for another time. Now Gale's gone, too. I'll probably never see him again. He might as well be dead. A racking sob works its way out of me, and I wait to explode.

"Katniss?" I thought Gale had gone, but he's still standing in the doorway, looking at me, concerned for my sanity, I suppose. "Catnip, I'm sorry. Do you want me to stay?" I nod weakly, not sure if I do want him there. I know he'll leave soon anyway, so wouldn't it be best if he just left, rather than dragging out the goodbye? Gale is sitting at the foot of my bed, waiting for me to speak, so I take a shaky breath and say, "Gale, I-I'm sorry. I just-"

"It's okay, Katniss. You don't have to say anything, I understand. I knew it wouldn't happen."

His eyes are filled with tears and his lower lip is trembling slightly. I can't bear seeing him like this, so I get up and hug him. He pulls away after a few quick seconds and walks swiftly out the door. "Bye, Catnip. Miss you." I hear him mutter. As soon as he's out of my sight, I listen to his feet break into a run, fading away much too fast.

_This is what you wanted, _I tell myself. No. Not what I wanted. I wanted to be with Peeta. Where is Peeta, anyway? I haven't seen him since… I don't remember when I saw him last. He seemed a lot better, though. Is he fully recovered from the hijacking yet? Will he ever? I try and think back to when we left him with Tigris. He had known I was innocent (as innocent as possible under the circumstances), but his memories told him differently. The only person who had really gotten through to him was Delly, and even she couldn't really convince him I was safe to be around. He still considered me a mutt. Unless he had improved drastically since then, he would never really be able to love me. Whereas Gale had loved me from the very beginning, no questions asked.

Less than a minute had passed as I thought this all out, and I am sprinting down the hallway after Gale. I can feel my damaged skin shredding into bits, and know I will regret it later when I am patched up again. I don't think I've ever run this fast. Not in the arena, or in District 8, or even in the Capitol. But knowing that if I don't catch up to him, I might never see Gale again is incomprehensible.

I skid to a stop, nearly bumping into Haymitch. "What's the matter, sweetheart?" he asks.

"Did Gale leave yet? Where is he?"

"He got onto the hovercraft a minute ago. He's going to 2. They've got a job for him there, a fancy one." As he's talking, I catch a glimpse of said hovercraft through the window of the door. Pilots are ushering that last few people onto it and preparing to close up the ramp. Haymitch has barely finished speaking and I am running again, out the door, about to spring onto the ramp when a guard catches my arm.

"What do you think you're doing? The craft is full, and as far as I can tell you don't have a pass." He continues to close up the hovercraft.

"No! No, I need to speak to someone. Gale Hawthorne. Please? Tell him Katniss needs him."

He sighs, and unclips a small electronic device from his belt. He presses a button and says something into it, and I know it's because he recognizes my name. Just then I hear a voice broadcasting inside the hovercraft. It's smooth, ringing, and female. And obviously fake. "Gale Hawthorne, please report to Exit immediately. Gale Hawthorne to Exit. Thank you." When Gale walks down the ramp and onto the ground, he doesn't look happy to see me. In fact, his face is hard, filled with coldness and anger. The only flaw in this mask is his eyes, which are full of sadness."What?" he asks flatly. His voice is hard, too.

"Gale, please don't go. Stay. I don't want you to leave. I can't- I mean, I don't-"

"Katniss, please. You're making this hard enough as it is."

"No! No, Gale, you have to stay!" My voice is rising in panic as I try to think of a way to convince him to stay with me.

"Why? So that as soon as Peeta is recovered you can run off with him again and forget about me? It's going to happen anyway, Katniss. Why not sooner rather than later?" He's having a hard time holding it together. He's given up the pretense of being apathetic and angry completely, and turns away for a moment, as though he's checking to see that the craft is still there. But I see him wipe away a tear.

"Gale, you know it's not like that. Peeta's not-he's not coming back." I know this is true as soon as I say it. He'll never feel the same way again. And I need Gale. He's the only person I have left.

"Forget it, Katniss. Like I said, even if he doesn't recover you'll never get over him. There'll always be some part of you wishing it was him instead of me, and I don't want that. I-" I cut him off mid-sentence and kiss him. At that moment, I know that I've gotten over Peeta. If Gale doesn't believe me, I'll just have to show him.

"Katniss-"

"Shush. I _do_ love you. Will you stay?"

Gale leans away but doesn't let go of me. He carefully regards me, taking in my pleading expression and watery eyes. A smile is playing at the corner of his mouth, and I know it's taking all of his control to keep himself calm.

"Fine. For now."

**So, what do you think? Is it too sappy? Romantic and mushy? Or should I have more of that? Personally, I think it's a bit too chick-flick-y, but it would help to have your opinion. So, you know what that means. I'm not offended easily, and I lurrrrrve criticism! Unless your criticism is "You're a sucky writer." But I'll accept those, too. Anyway, I could leave it like this, cause it does kind of wrap things up. But since I'm a fair person, I should give happy endings to Peeta, and some other people. It'll be awhile before I update, so I'm hoping that a semi-ending will satisfy ya'll for now. Anywhoo, I'll add some more chapters ASAP (although that could be awhile). Overall, I don't think it's too bad for my first time, but you should tell me what ya think.**

**~Kristen**

**I'm listening to the person who reviewed my story (already...wow!) and editing out my author's notes. But I thought you should read this one...tee hee! I'm referring to the part where Gale's eyes are "full of sadness."  
**

**[A/N: I wanted so badly to describe his eyes as "puppy dog eyes." The kind that always look sad, no matter what mood you're in. They're so adorable. For example, Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean. Aren't his eyes so cute? But since I'm trying to stick to Collins' ideas as much as I can, that won't do. ****]**

**And thanks for the review. I like it when I get compliments on my writing. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ta-Da! Chapter 2! As per a review, I'm cutting back on Gale's emotional moments. So no tears here. Also, something else that popped into my mind: I absolutely HATE cliffhangers. Especially in fanfictions, because if the next chapter isn't up, I have to wait to find out what happens. And most especially in The Hunger Games. Because both the first two books end in cliffhangers! Which made me mad. Grr. I mean, it's great for making $$$. Anyone who reads it has to go buy the next book to find out what happens. But still. Anyways, since I hate cliffhangers, I promise not to have any in my stories. And if I do, I'll put up the next chapter at the same time so I don't anger anyone who's actually interested in my story.**

"Katniss?" Gale and I are sitting on a couch in some long-forgotten, dusty room. He'd followed me there after I ran away from my room. Recently I'd started having these awful flashbacks, to everything terrible that had happened to me. My father dying, Rue, with a spear in her stomach, Mags writhing in pain…today I'd remembered Cato's painful death in the arena. It had set me off screaming, and the hysterical tears that always followed had just subsided.

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking…after you, you know, take care of some things, what are you going to do? I mean, I doubt you want to stay here, and you can go pretty much anywhere, so…"

I try and keep my voice level, but it's no use. "First of all, what do you mean, where am I going? I fully intend to stay with you, unless of course you'd rather I didn't, which I would understand completely. But I really don't know where I want to go. Obviously, I'm not staying here. And definitely not 13. I'd rather not stay in 2 or 8 either. But that still leaves 10 districts to choose from. Why do you ask?"

When Gale speaks, his voice has taken on a slightly darker tone. "I figured you'd say that. She-Coin-has, ah, recruited me…to, you know, help out with cleanup. I'm not the only one, pretty much anyone who's capable of doing so is helping in the districts, and since I'm well enough to be chasing you around, I've been assigned to 2. That's where I was headed when I was on the hovercraft. I'm surprised you didn't ask about that yet." I'm somewhat shocked at this news, although I shouldn't be. I never really thought about why he was on the hovercraft in the first place, though I suppose I should've figured it out. But of all the districts, 2! District 2 is another source of my frequent nightmares. I decide, in a split second, what I'm going to do.

"Gale…" I say hesitantly, not wanting to get him angry with me, "this has nothing to do with you, I promise. But Two isn't exactly a place I want to revisit. So, if it's okay with you, I think I'll go back to 12 and stay there while you're in 2. Then, when you're finished we'll figure out what we're doing."

"That's okay, Katniss. But you realize that I'll probably be there for months?" I sigh. I knew he'd be there for a while, and I'm almost glad.

"I know. See, the thing is, I kind of need…some time? You know, by myself. But as soon as you've finished we can pick things up again. And we'll keep in touch. I imagine we'll both have phones, and it'll be easy to talk."

"Okay. Katniss, I'm supposed to be in 2 already. Coin said I could stay until the execution, but it's taking longer than they thought to get you up to speed, and I'm not sure she'll continue to extend that courtesy to me…" It takes me a minute to catch onto what he's implying.

"Oh! Yes, of course. I'm sorry. I'll go tell Haymitch that I'm ready to do it."

When I knock on Haymitch's door, I'm surprised that he's sober. His room is still a wreck, but I suppose it could be worse. I take a mental note to ask someone to keep his quarters decent looking. When I tell him that I'm ready to kill Snow, he looks me up and down, and then says, "Like hell you are, sweetheart." He then proceeds to drag me down the hall into Plutarch's office. When he tells him the news, Plutarch seems to come out of a trance and calls someone. He gives me a few morphling tablets and tells me to go back to my room and take a bath. **The tub's deep, with three steps to the bottom. I ease down into the warm water and sit, up to my neck in suds, hoping the medicines kick in soon. **Once I've dried myself off, **there's a tentative knock and the bathroom door opens, revealing three familiar faces. They try to smile at me, but even Venia can't conceal her shock at my ravaged mutt body. "Surprise!" Octavia squeaks, and then bursts into tears. **Of course. I can't possibly go out in public like this. **They've come to prep me for the cameras. Remake me to Beauty Base Zero. Now wonder Octavia's crying. It's an impossible task. **

**In the bedroom, I find another surprise. Sitting upright in a chair. Polished from her metallic gold to her patent leather high heels, gripping a clipboard. Remarkabley unchanged except for the vacant look in her eyes. "Effie," I say.**

"**Hello, Katniss." She stands and kisses me on the cheek as if nothing has occurred since our last meeting, the night before the Quarter Quell. "Well, it looks like we've got another big, big, big day ahead of us. So why don't you start your prep and I'll just pop over and check on the arrangements."**

"**Okay," I say to her back.**

"**They say Plutarch and Haymitch had a hard time keeping her alive," comments Venia under her breath. "She was imprisoned after your escape, so that helps."**

**It's quite a stretch. Effie Trinket, rebel. But I don't want Coin killing her, so I make a mental note to present her that way if asked. "I guess it's good Plutarch kidnapped you three after all."**

"**We're the only prep team still alive. And all the stylists from the Quarter Quell are dead," says Venia. She doesn't say who specifically who killed them. I'm beginning to wonder if it matters. She gingerly takes one of my scarred hands and holds it out for inspection. "Now, what do you think for the nails? Red or maybe a jet black?"**

**Flavius performs some beauty miracle on my hair, managing to even out the front while getting some of the longer locks to hide the bald spots in the back. My face, since it was spared from the flames, presents no more than the usual challenges. Once I'm in Cinna's Mockingjay suit, the only scars visible are on my neck, forearms, and hands. Octavia secures my Mockingjay pin over my heart and we step back to look in the mirror. I can't believe how normal they've made me look on the outside when inwardly I'm such a wasteland.**

**There's a tap at the door and Gale steps in. "Can I have a minute?" he asks. In the mirror, I watch my prep team. Unsure of where to go, the bump into one another a few times and then closet themselves in the bathroom. **

"**I brought you this." Gale holds up a sheath When I take it, I notice it holds a single, ordinary arrow. "It's supposed to be symbolic. You firing the last shot of the war."**

"**What if I miss?" I say. "Does Coin retrieve it and bring it back to me? Or just shoot Snow through the head herself?"**

"**You won't miss." Gale adjusts the sheath on my shoulder. **"Listen. I've got to leave as soon as it's over. I probably won't see you afterwards. **Shoot straight, okay?" He touches my cheek and leaves.**

**People sweep into the room, surround me. The last touch of powder, the instructions from Plutarch as I'm guided to the front door of the mansion. The City Circle runs over, spills people down the side streets. The others take their places outside. Guards. Officials. Rebel leaders. Victors. I hear the cheers that indicate Coin has appeared on the balcony. Then Effie taps my shoulder, and I step out into the cold winter sunlight. Walk to my position, accompanied by the deafening roar of the crowd. As directed, I turn so they see me in profile, and wait. When they march Snow out the door, the audience goes insane. They secure his hands behind a post, which is unnecessary. He's not going anywhere. There's nowhere to go. This is not the roomy stage before the Training Center but the narrow terrace in front of the presiden't mansion. No wonder no one bothered to have me practice. He's ten yards away. **

**I feel the bow purring in my hand. Reach back and grasp the arrow. Position it, aim at the rose, but watch his face. He coughs and a bloody dribble runs down his chin. His tongue flicks over his puffy lips. I search his eyes for the slightest sign of anything, fear, remorse, anger. But there's only the same look of amusement that ended our last conversation. It's as if he's speaking the words again. **_**"Oh, my dear Miss Everdeen, I thought we had agreed not to lie to each other."**_

**He's right. We did.**

**The point of my arrow shifts upward. I release the string. And President Coin collapses over the side of the balcony and plunges to the ground. Dead.**

**Okay. I suppose this is sort of a cliffhanger. But we all know what happens next (unless you haven't read Mockingjay. And if you're reading this but you haven't read Mockingjay, SHAME ON YOU!). But I'm putting up the next chapter now, so no waiting is involved. See? So, what do you think? Since this chapter is outlining the execution and such, it contains more of the original text that I want. In fact, looking back, most of the chapter isn't even mine! Perhaps that's why I've finished already. Anyways, I promise to have some of my **_**own**_** writing in the next chapter. I'm trying to stick to the chapter by chapter thing, which is why I'm ending it here. So…yeah. Oh, and another thing. I was bored at school today, so I was brainstorming, and I came up with this absolutely brilliant idea. About another fanfiction! I was just thinking, what if those letters Katniss wouldn't open while she's in her house with Greasy Sae were not just from her mom, Haymitch, etc., but from Gale! She'd never know. And then I thought, what if she started writing to Gale too, but he didn't open any letters either? So basically, they both send each other letters, but neither of them open them. I'll wait 'till after this story to begin that. But if you're interested, keep an eye out. I'll probably call it something along the lines of "Letters" or something. How original…**

**~Kass**


	3. Chapter 3

**So, so far I haven't really veered off from the story, and I really haven't written all that much. But by the end of this chapter it'll be a bit more interesting. And the next chapter, if I stick to my plan, should be totally different.**

_What did I just do? _I think_. _**In the stunned reaction that follows, I'm aware of one sound. Snow's laughter. An awful gurgling cackle accompanied by an eruption of foarmy blood when the coughing begins. I see him bend forward, spewing out his life, until the guards block him from my sight.**

**As the grey uniforms begin to converge on me, I think of what my brief future as the assassin of Panem's new president holds. The interrogation, probable torture, certain public execution. Having, yet again, to say my final good-byes to the handful of people who still maintain a hold on my heart. The prospect of facing my mother, who will now be entirely alone in the world, decides it.**

"**Good night," I whisper to the bow in my hand and feel it go still. I raise my left arm and twist my neck down to rip off the pill on my sleeve. Instead my teeth sink into flesh. I yank my head back in confusion to find myself looking into **Gale's **eyes**. **Blood runs from the teeth marks on the hand he clamped over my nightlock. "Let me go!" I snarl at him, trying to wrest my arm from his grasp.**

"**I can't," he says. As they pull me away from him, I feel the pocket ripped from my sleeve, see the deep violet pill fall to the ground, watch Cinna's last gift get crunched under a guard's boot. I start screaming for Gale. **I know he's back there somewhere, but now the guards have lifted **me up above the fray**. **I can't find him in the throng, but he will know what I want. A good clean shot to end it all. Only there's no arrow, no bullet. **Gale doesn't come to my rescue. **He sees, he knows, but he doesn't follow through. **

**I'm on my own.**

**In the mansion, **I'm dragged down hallways and onto elevators, until finally I'm thrown into a room **and a door slams closed behind me. **I hear a key turning to lock me in, but it's unnecessary. I'm not going anywhere. I look around and **I find I'm in my old room at the Training Center. The one where I lived during those last precious days before my first Hunger Games and the Quarter Quell. The bed's stripped to the mattress, the closet gapes open, showing the emptiness inside, but I'd know this room anywhere.**

I peel off my Mockingjay suit and, as I step into the bathroom, avoid looking into the mirror. **I limp into the shower and program in the gentlest cycle I can remember, free of any soaps and hair products, and squat under the warm spray, elbows on my knees, head in my hands.**

_**My name in Katniss Everdeen. Why am I not dead? I should be dead. I would be best for everyone if I was dead….**_

Once I step out of the shower, I find that t**here's nothing clean to put on. Not even a towel to wrap around me. Back in the room, I find the Mockingjay suit has disappeared. In its place is a **soft cotton **robe. A meal has been sent up from the mysterious kitchen with a container of medications for dessert. I go ahead and eat the food, take the pills, rub the salve on my skin. **

I lay down on the mattress, which now has thin sheets on it. What will happen to my mother? Gale, I suppose, will go and do his job, and hopefully he can take care of her. I wonder if I will get to say goodbye before they kill me. Or would it be best if I didn't? It might be easier for them. The food continues to come, with more medicines. I debate on whether I should eat the food or not. I decide to, because I'm going to die anyway. I might as well be well-fed when I do. They'll torture me, probably, and I deserve it.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. Why am I not dead? I should be dead. It would be best for everyone if I was dead…._

Days go by. Weeks. **I watch the snows fall on the ledge outside my window.** No one comes to tell me what's going on. I wonder what's taking them so long. It can't be too hard **to arrange the execution of one murderous girl**. I wish they would hurry up and kill me. The longer they wait means it will be just that much harder for the few people who might still care about me.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. Why am I not dead? I should be dead. It would be best for everyone if I was dead…._

I find myself thinking this over and over. I start to lose track of the time. How long have I been in here without talking, without seeing anyone? I continue to eat and to shower, because they're the only distractions I have. I sleep sometimes, but the nightmares are so awful, and sleep brings no peace. I take my medicines because I know I would fall apart without them. Or maybe it's too late. I've already fallen apart.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. Why am I not dead? I should be dead. It would be best for everyone if I was dead…._

I spend most of my time staring out the window, watching the sun rise and set, the snow fall, but not really seeing it. The window isn't big enough to see anyone outside, but once in awhile I see a pair of feet walking by. When this happens, I run to the window and start banging on it, in the hopes, that I could be heard and maybe someone will come in here and rescue me. Or better, kill me. But they never do. I try to scream at them, but my voice never comes out.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. Why am I not dead? I should be dead. It would be best for everyone if I was dead…._

Finally, a day actually means something to me. I find, to my slight shock, that I have spoken these words aloud. _I should be dead. _My voice is low and hoarse and cracked. I repeat my words. Over and over. When my voice strengthens, I say it louder. And louder. I scream it, again and again. To myself. In my sleep, in the shower, to the feet outside the window, the feet that never stop moving. My voice is high, strained in desperation as I shout to them, hoping that they understand and come kill me.

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. Why am I not dead? I should be dead. It would be best for everyone if I was dead…._

The feet keep coming. One at a time, and not often. But they never stop. And they never stop for me. They don't hear me, or they don't want to. T**he door to my room **finally** opens. Someone crosses around the bed into my field of vision. Haymitch. "Your trial's over," he says. "Come on. We're going home."**

Home. I don't have a home. Where will I go? I'm on the hovercraft, heading to 12. Wondering why they had to send me here. I should've gone to somewhere like 5, or 3, somewhere that I don't have memories. I don't talk to Haymitch until we're descending into District 12. **"So, why are you going back to Twelve?"**

"**They can't seem to find a place for me in the Capitol either," he says.**

**At first, I don't question this. But doubts begin to creep in. Haymitch hasn't assassinated anyone. He could go anywhere. If he's coming back to 12, it's because he's been ordered to. "You have to look after me, don't you? As my mentor?" He shrugs. Then I realize what it means. "My mother's not coming back."**

"**No," he says. He pulls an envelope from his jacket pocket and hands it to me. I examine the delicate, perfectly formed writing. "She's helping to start up a hospital in District Four. She wants you to call as soon as we get in." My finger traces the graceful swoop of the letters. "You kniw why she can't come back." Yes, I know why. Because between my father and Prim and the ashes, the place is too painful to bear. But apparently not for me.**

**It's night when we arrive on the green of the Victor's Village. Half of the houses have lights in the windows, including Haymitch's and mine. Not Peeta's.**As I sit in the rocking chair in front of the fire in the kitchen, I wonder vaguely where Peeta is. If he's gotten any better, if he's still alive. The next morning, Greasy Sae makes me breakfast. Her granddaughter comes, too. She shows up twice a day, every day, and makes me eat. **I haven't left the house. I haven't even left the kitchen except to go to the small bathroom a few steps off of it. I'm in the same clothes I left the Capitol in. What I do it sit by the fire. Stare at the unopened letters piling up on the mantel. **They're from my mother, mostly. There's also some that I don't recognize. The phone rings a lot, but I never answer it.

I hear a knock at the thinking, I answer it and peer outside into the bright morning sunshine. It's a beautiful day. Peeta is standing there. **"You're back," I say.** **He looks well. **He's not **thin and covered in burn scars like me**. **But his eyes have**n't completely **lost that clouded, tortured look. He's frowning slightly, though, as he takes me in.**

"How are you?" he asks. Between the look in his eyes and the strained tone of his voice, I can tell that it's taking some effort on his part for him to talk to me.

"I'm okay, I guess," I tell him. I keep my tone polite and cordial. "But what about you? What are you going to do now?"

"Well," he begins, "I think I'm going to go back into my house and stay there. I could stay with you, if you want, but I'm still not sure…" He looks at me with pleading eyes, hoping that I would understand that although he knows that I'm not going to hurt him, he can't love me. And I do.

"It's alright, Peeta. I know it's not your fault. And don't worry about me, I'll be fine."

"I hope you will. Katniss, you're a bit of a mess. How can I _not_ worry about you?" I guess he's right. I haven't showered since I left the Capitol. We talk for a bit longer, just light conversation. He lets slip that he's been talking with Delly a lot lately. I find myself hoping with all my heart that he'll be happy with her. I promise him before he goes that I'll shower and start taking better care of myself.

After he's gone, I realize that I'm happy for him. Glad that he has someone, glad that he won't have to strain himself to try and love me anymore. I decide to call my mother. I know she's worried sick about me. I haven't answered any of her letters or returned her phone calls. Finally I do. We cry together for a bit. I promise that I'll keep in touch.

Things settle down. I leave the kitchen and shower every day. I go out to shops and begin to feed myself. I play with Greasy Sae's granddaughter, and find that I enjoy it. I smile at her, and sometimes giggle. I make a book with Peeta. We don't see each other, but send it back and forth. **I got the idea from our family's plant book. The place where we recorded those things you cannot trust to memory. The page begins with a person's picture. A photo if we can find it. If not, a sketch or painting by Peeta. Then, in my most careful handwriting, come all the details it would be a crime to forget. Lady licking Prim's cheek. My father's laugh. Peeta's father with the cookies. The color of Finnick's eyes. What Cinna could do with a length of silk. Boggs reprogramming the Holo. Rue poised on her toes, arms slightly extended, like a bird about to take flight. On and on. We seal the pages with salt water and promises to live well to make their deaths count. Haymitch finally joins us, contributing twenty-three years of tributes he was forced to mentor. Additions become smaller. An old memory that surfaces. A late primrose preserved between the pages. Strange bits of happiness, like the photo of Finnick and Annie's newborn son. **One day, I go out hunting. **I sit on the rock where Cressida filmed **Gale and I**, but it's too wide without his body beside me. **When I go back to the house, Greasy Sae is cooking, but I've already eaten. "Go in the living room," she says. "There's someone who wants to see you."

He's sitting on the formal-looking couch, waiting for me. I sit down next to him, and lean my head on his shoulder. "So, you're finished in Two?" I ask.

He nods while running his fingers through my hair. "They told me that you were waiting for me. I hoped you would, but I couldn't be sure. I knew Peeta was back, so I had to wonder…"

I ignored that. "Where's your family?" I ask.

"They're in 5. My mom is doing a lot with the cleanup there."

We sit in silence for probably hours, and then I show him the book. We go hunting. Gale moves into another house in the Victor's Village, but spends most of his nights in my house,waking me from the nightmares that I know will never leave. **But his arms are there to comfort me. And eventually his lips. I know this would have happened anyway. That **although I love Peeta, even if he had never been hijacked, he couldn't comfort me. He has his own flashbacks and nightmares to deal with. And he has Delly. I'm sure she's comforting him, making him feel better. What I need is Gale, who I know will always be there for me, **with the promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only **Gale** can give me that.**

**Okay. So I guess there isn't going to be another chapter. Just the epilogue. Do you like my happy ending for Peeta? I think he and Delly are so cute! I have no idea when I'll get the epilogue done, I hope soon, but school can be time consuming. **


	4. Epilogue

**Hey! I'm doing the epilogue! Cause I had hardly any homework tonight and otherwise I might not do it till next month! So, here goes. Wish me luck! Oh, and in case you didn't know, Suzanne Collins wrote The Hunger Games. Not me. If I had, it would've ended up like this.  
**

**They play in the meadow. The dancing girl with the dark hair and blue eyes. The boy with blond curls and gray eyes, struggling to keep up with her on his chubby toddler legs. It took five, ten years for **us **to agree. But **we both wanted them, even if we didn't know it at first. **When I first felt her stirring inside of me, I was consumed with a terror that felt as old as life itself. Only the joy of holding her in my arms could tame it. Carrying him was a little easier, but not much.**

**The questions are just beginning. The arenas have been completely destroyed, the memorials built, there are no more Hunger Games. But they teach about them in school, and the girl knows we played a role in them. The boy will know in a few years. How can I tell them about the world without frightening them to death?**

_**Deep in the meadow, under the willow**_

_**A bed of grass, a soft green pillow**_

_**Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes**_

_**And when again they open, the sun will rise**_

_**Here it's safe, here it's warm**_

_**Here the daisies guard you from every harm**_

_**Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings**_

_**them true**_

_** Here is the place where I love you.**_

**My children, who don't know they play on a graveyard. **

Gale tells me, every day, that **it will be okay. We have each other. **And I have him. **And the book. We can make them understand in a way that will make them braver. But one day I will have to explain about my nightmares. Why they came. Why they won't ever really go away.**

** I'll tell them how I survive it. I'll tell them that on bad mornings, it feels impossible to take pleasure in anything because I'm afraid it could be taken away. That's when I make a list in my head of every act of goodness I've seen someone do. It's like a game. Repetitive. Even a little tedious after more than **fifteen **years.**

** But there are much worse games to play.**

**Don't you love that last line? It's just so eerie! Anyway, we all know that Katniss and Gale both look alike. And neither of them has blond hair or blue eyes. But I left that in there because, scientifically, it's possible that the recessive gene of blond hair or blue eyes came out in them. Mrs. Everdeen and Prim both had the blond hair/blue eyes, didn't they? Ha! I'm right! Anyway, I pretty much left the epilogue alone. Except that I changed it to her having kids after ten years, not fifteen. Because I think that the prime age to have children is mid-to-late twenties. Nothing's wrong with thirty-two, but I liked it better this way. The only other thing I changed was that she's with Gale (duh!) and he doesn't seem to be the I-want-to-have-kids type, so I fudged that a bit, too. Okay. The only other thing is this, something I think should've been in the book. I can't think of what to call it. It's like a bunch of mini-epilogues of a bunch of people who didn't die. **

**Katniss Everdeen/Hawthorne: **She had two kids, a boy and a girl, and lives in District 12 with Gale and Gale hunt together often and sell their kills.

**Gale Hawthorne: **(See above)

**Peeta Mellark: **He has two daughters, both with blond hair and blue eyes. He lives in District 12 with Delly Cartwright. He is good friends with Katniss and Gale, and their children are friends as well. He and Delly own a bakery.

**Delly Cartwright: **(See above)

**Haymitch Abernathy: **Eventually became sober, although he occasionally drinks at formal events and such. Lives with Effie Trinket, who keeps him decent and presentable. He is not married, and denies having any romantic relationship with Effie, but is very, very close to her.

**Effie Trinket: **(See above)

**Mrs. Everdeen: **Lives in District Four and runs a hospital. She never remarried. She keeps in contact with Katniss by phone.

**Hazelle Hawthorne: **Lives in District Four with Mrs. Everdeen and washes clothes at the hospital. She also never remarried. She keeps in contact with her sons by phone.

**Rory Hawthorne: **Lives in District Three with his wife, who is pregnant with their first child.

**Vick Hawthorne: **Lives in District Three near Rory. He is not married.

**Posy Hawthorne: **Lives in District Four with her mother. She helps at the hospital and intends to go into medicine.

**Thom: **After cleanup, he moved to District Seven, where he works at a lumber company.

**President Paylor: **She is still in her position as President. She has a son, who will most likely become the next president.

**Snow's Granddaughter: **She is sixteen, the same age as Paylor's son. After the assassination of Coin, she was proven to be nothing like her grandfather, and very much against the Hunger Games. She is dating Paylor's son.

**Plutarch Heavensbee: **Retains his position as Secretary of Communications. Lives alone in the Capitol.

**Venia, Flavius, and Octavia: **Remained in the Capitol. Have done away with their interesting fashion choices and were discovered to be very beautiful when looking normal. They are still a prep team and keep in touch with Katniss.

**Enobaria: **Returned to District 2, where she lives with her husband. She has no kids.

**Johanna Mason: **Returned to District 7, where she lives near her family. Keeps in touch with Katniss, Peeta, and Annie, and they visit often.

**Annie Cresta: **Lives alone with her son in District Four. She is still somewhat insane, but when she isn't having flashbacks and such, she is quite normal.

**Greasy Sae: **Owns a restaurant in District 12. She is well known around the districts for her cooking. Her granddaughter helps with the cooking sometimes.

**Dr. Aurelius: **Lives in the Capitol and runs the hospital there.

**Cressida: **Is the main reporter for television. She's quite famous.

**Pollux: **Is the main cameraman for television. He now owns a device which allows him to easily communicate since Castor died.

**Beetee: **Returned to District Three after the rebellion, where he has invented many useful gadgets. He also keeps in touch with everyone.

**That's all I can think of right now. But PM me or review/comment or whatever if you can think of others who are still alive and I'll put them in. I imagine I forgot a few. And obvious I don't care how minor they are. I mean, I put in Snow's granddaughter! Well, that's it. I feel better already. I no longer despise Suzanne Collins for her misjudgment of who Katniss belongs with, so I'm happy. And once you start writing, apparently you get hooked. So I've come up with a bazillion ideas for new stories, which I intend to write. So, keep checking in and you might see something else.**


End file.
